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Xoxo
I needed to post this link so...
Sorry
Xoxo
Hi Guys!
Sorry this post is a bit late - I was at my friends birthday sleepover. Anyway as promised there is a longer section today. Enjoy...
Sorry this post is a bit late - I was at my friends birthday sleepover. Anyway as promised there is a longer section today. Enjoy...
The first week
in the hospital was spent just sleeping, eating, playing games on my iPad.
Deleting all my music and writing. I wrote a lot. As I could no longer find
refuge in music I made a refugee camp in writing. And reading. I went through a
book a day so after five days I was gifted a kindle. My thoughts were more
tangled than the headphones I lost. Except for one word. One word was clear as
day. One word circled my brain, cutting through all my thoughts. Why? Why me?
Why now? Why my hearing? Why is this happening? Why am I a scientific miracle?
Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY?
The wait in the
hospital never seemed to end. Endlessly waiting. Waiting for test results.
Waiting to find out. Waiting to know. To know if I'll ever be able to hear
again. To find out if I can ever play my clarinet. Just waiting. Trying to
decide what I want to do now. Now I can't be a musician. Now my dreams have
been crushed. To a pulp. Nothing but dust. Rubble under the mess my deafness
has made. Now my life will never be the same again.
Chapter 3
After two weeks
they came back with my test results. My parents were with me when they told me,
they had stayed with me every day and night. Put their life on hold for mine.
We knew that they had taken moulds of my ears to see if hearing aids would help
me, but they told me that they wouldn't. So I was stuck in a void of darkness,
not being able to hear, rewriting my story. After that they discharged me.
There was nothing they could do to help me, so I didn't need to stay. Spending two weeks in the
hospital without Wi-Fi meant that it was so nice to be able to check Instagram;
only to find that my feed had been spammed with get well soon messages. Lovely.
Apart from the fact I can’t get well, I can only get over it, and I have a feeling that’s not going to happen any time soon. Without preparing myself or even thinking about it, I push open my bedroom door and catch sight of my one talent, just lying on the floor. Unused. I find tears starting to fill my eyes so I slam the door and leave my clarinet to
the dust along with my dreams.
Eventually I
know I'll have to face the black stick that lies in my cupboard. But for now, I
have more important things to concentrate on. Bigger things to cope with in
this life at this moment, mainly the fact that I woke up deaf and there is no
explanation. That's what I need to deal with. But maybe inadvertently dealing
with that is dealing with the object in my cupboard. Basically all I know is
I'm stuck under an avalanche and I don't know how to get out. But I do know
that I won't be able to take my GCSE's this year. I know that I just have to
put the rest of my life on hold until I learn sign language or become an expert
at lip reading. And I know that people will feel sorry for me, and I know that
I don't want that. I know that I want normality.
Hi guys,
As Pitch Black is my most popular post I thought I would post an installment every Friday... Of course if you aren't keen on this idea leave a comment so I know. Enjoy!
I glance at my
clarinet and cry. Silently for me. Loudly for everyone else. I end up huddled
in a corner, cradling my clarinet and whispering (or maybe shouting) about my
being surrounded with a silence so absolute not even the loving sounds of my
clarinet could pierce it. I pick it up and blow to try and break the silence
but as soon as my lips touch the mouthpiece everyone looks as though they have
sucked a lemon. So I give up. Playing the clarinet is ridiculously hard when
you can't hear. You don't realise how much you rely on your ears until you lose
them.
As these
thoughts spin round my head a small pool of water is dripping onto my night
shirt. My parents are on the phone, presumably to an ambulance but, how was I
to know.
Chapter 2
Within the next
half hour I was whisked into an ambulance, asked questions I couldn't answer
and had a series of tests performed on me. All because I woke up deaf. And
there was nothing I could do about it.
I was
originally thought to have SDS (sudden death syndrome) but when it was realised
that I had none of the usual symptoms and was completely, 100%, utterly deaf,
they decided it wasn’t possible.
I was poked and
prodded and moved and rolled and tested and tested and tested but they found
nothing. Because I am a scientific miracle. Because this has never happened
before. Because they don't know why. Because I don't know why. Because there is
only a minuscule chance that I will be able to hear again.
Hi guys,
As we are now entering the new year, I have of course written my resolutions. I am not great at keeping them so I figured that posting them here might give me an extra kick up the bum to do them...
I tried to make a word cloud but it failed so sorry...
(Not all of these will make sense as some are personal)
As we are now entering the new year, I have of course written my resolutions. I am not great at keeping them so I figured that posting them here might give me an extra kick up the bum to do them...
I tried to make a word cloud but it failed so sorry...
(Not all of these will make sense as some are personal)
BE ORGANISED
BE POSITIVE
DUST MY ROOM
BLOG EVERY WEEK
GROW A THICKER SKIN
SPRING CLEAN
FINISH PITCH BLACK
Hey guys
So I'm kinda ill right now so this post isn't very long but we decorated the tree yesterday! We decided to change the colour scheme of the decorations to match our front room so we got lots of new baubles!! These were all from our local garden centre.
This was our finished tree!
Hi guys
Today I went Christmas shopping and to my sisters school fate. I can't show you what I got my friends as one of them knows about my little space on the Internet but I can show you some things I got to make our house a little more Christmassy...
This little fawn snow globe was from a store we have called 'Magical Story' it's basically a giant Christmas shop - two floors of decorations!
This Yankee candle is the candle of the month so was 25% off and oh my goodness it smells so good!
At the school fair there was a guess the weight competition for this cake but it looked so good!
And lastly I made a little Olaf snowman!
Have you had any festive antics yet? Ily xx
Hi guys!
So today I have
something Christmassy for you! In my opinion the best part of Christmas is the build-up.
I have a few advent calendars to make me even more excited! These are what I will
be showing you today.
This is a virtual advent calender by Jacquie Lawson.
This was from my Godmother and she gets me one each year.
Every day a scene plays out and there are mini games to play as well.
I really like these and the idea is really cool!
I also had a Divine fair-trade chocolate advent calendar from my other Godmother
and a plain Cadbury's calender from my Nan :)
YUM! ;)
The countdown has begun!!
ily all thanks for reading xx
